Alberta Federal Candidate has Ottawa Baffled
A Canadian candidate in the coming 21 October Canadian Federal election wants to build a WALL between Canada and the USA.
This year, Canadians will go to the polls in a federal election to decide who will lead the country for the next four-years.
Some unexpected candidates have come forward early in the race, including an Albertan who says he has lived in isolation with his family and served as a volunteer border guard between Wyoming and Alberta, a genuine volunteer Canadian Ranger.
Today as he and his daughter retired from their posts as nICE volunteer border-security guards at the barren Wyoming/Alberta frontier line, Donald T. Rump, born in the Greater Manyberries region of Alberta, announced the appointment of his daughter, Bianca Butts-Rump as his Campaign Manager.
Canada’s nepotism rules were struck down in 2016 after a US President installed his entire family plus the staff and servants of Castle Mar-a-Lago in the US Executive Branch.
Candidate Rump has a skeleton in his closet.
Together Rump and his nine-year-old daughter had patrolled the barren Canada/US border for 9 years without confiscating a single baby or child although Rump, according to public records, has been in serious trouble.
That trouble came in 2007. Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) records show that a TV commercial for Huawei features Mr. Rump tossing his vintage 2004 Huawei 5G smartphone at a prairie dog he saw was eating his packed lunch full of back-bacon ‘n cheese doodles.
According to the SPCA records, the prairie dog survived the incident and grabbed both the phone and the doodles and dove into her hole in the ground.
Mr. Rump was highly criticized for his cruelty of throwing objects at prairie dogs. Canadian Ranger folklore claims the prairie dog has been for years, and continuing to this day, texting an American personality. initially trying to obtain a role on the US reality-TV show called the Apprentice, now just ‘chewing-the-fat’, using a Russian fake name (Vladimir Putin).
When asked about the animal cruelty incident during a press conference today, Mr. Rump fired off a couple of expletives about “fake news” then declared that the prairie dog named ‘Vlad’ was an American immigrant that has been “hurting our Farmers, killing our Agriculture”.
The American White House responded to candidate Rump’s allegation saying that ManyBerries “has been charging the U.S. massive tariffs and create[d] non-monetary barriers” at the border, probably referring to a rare but occasional border patrol volunteer, Mr. Rump’s son, who looks a little scary, like a 120-pound Pit Bull.
Nah, last time there was a joke at a debate it became president. https://t.co/7glq9lfUwS
— Comedy Central (@ComedyCentral) August 1, 2019
Donald T. Rump announces Daughter Bianca Butts-Rump as Campaign Chief and Russia Liaison Officer
Canadian Federal Candidate Donald T. Rump of Greater Manyberries AB
and his daughter Sabrina Bianca Butts-Rump (newly appointed Campaign Manager) Photo-Credit: Justin Butts-Rump
This follows the surprise announcement that Rump and his daughter Butts-Rump were leaving their posts as volunteer nICE border guards at the Tumbleweed snowmobile pathway and border crossing on the Wyoming border with Alberta so that Mr. Rump could run for ‘President’ of Canada in the coming October election.
The T.Rump Platform
In the spirit of the howl of the lone prairie, Mr. Rump says he believes “old and simpler is far better”.
He added that, “Aero-planes are becoming far too complex to fly. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want Albert Einstein to be my pilot. I am all in favour of taking computers and instruments out of airplanes.”
Donald T. Rump says that he will upon election to Ottawa immediately place a 600% tariff on Boeing Aeroplanes and offer a giveaway promotion of a Huawei P30 Pro 5G Smartphone to each buyer of a Canadair or deHavilland airplane.
He says that if elected, he will have the volunteer Canadian Rangers visit every airport in Canada and begin the process of ripping instruments and computers from all aircraft making them easier to fly.
He pointed to his J3 Piper Cub still on its winter skis and said, “That’s how to get to China.”
Improved Canada-China Relations
Mr. Rump says he will immediately upon election free Sabrina Meng (whom he named his daughter after) and make her a Governor General of Canada and a Senator if she wants that.
“Fixing our relationship with China is important to our farmers,” says the candidate.
He promised to tell the White House to “Fuddle Duddle”.
He also plans to bring back the Canadian Pacific Railroad; stop Alberta from selling its oil to anyone; ban boats and floats in Hibernia and bring back eight-track tapes.
He added that “Nuke-You-Lar electricity is dangerous. I have three neighbours who had appliances that worked since the 1960’s but recently stopped working in the past five years because of Nuke-You-Lar electricity.”
Asked about tension between Saudi Arabia and Canada, Mr. Rump said that Saudi Arabia should be allowed to break away from the United States after its Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salmon murdered and dismembered a Washington Post columnist last October.
“They can take Mar-a-Lago with them,” Rump added. “Once they are surgically removed from the United States President they can be charged with murders.” He didn’t say how many murders and if they included the children in Yemen.
The US Border Wall
Donald T. Rump has promised that if he is elected on 21 October, he will build a wall on Canada’s southern border to defend Canada against white-supremacist mass-murderers, rapists, gangs, draft-dodgers, fake news, and what he has called “collusion denier-liars”, and people who attack the Canadian leader saying he is “Very Dishonest And Weak” whether he is very dishonest and very weak or not.
Also he says that the wall will protect Canadians from radiation caused by American failed 5G experiments which he says have been frying “noggin hair follicles” and giving Americans horrid comb-overs.
Donald T. Rump says the truth behind the kidnapping of Sabrina Meng by the US President’s family disguised as Canada Border Service Agents is that China’s Huawei Technologies refused to teach America how to make 5G work. According to Rump, American 5G prototypes are burning the hair off cattle, sheep and prairie dogs south of the 49th, all of which he wants to prevent from infecting Canadian livestock.
When asked specific questions about ‘The Wall” and how Canadians would be able afford such an enormous cost, Rump claimed that Venezuela would pay for the wall as agreed by Venezuelan President Elliott Abrams.
FPMag asked specifically what the cost would be and who would build the wall, Rump responded with a flourish of his long, bony finger and a distorted angry face twisted counter-clockwise in a violent rage, “Listen you Socialists and Fake News Women, I will build the wall. Lots of wall has already been built.”.
Rumours abound that SNC-Lavalin from its new headquarters on the small island of Papineau in the St. Lawrence River, is both funding Rump’s campaign and preparing a bid to build the Rump-Wall, blocking the dangers from the USA from sea to shining sea.